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Now This Angry Little Girl
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2008.07.16 15.32
Lucky; To Be Coming Home Again.
"Lucky to have been where I have been."
It's my favorite talking with old friends. Remembering how all we ever talked about was running away to Europe together. We'd be away, we'd escape. We'd have each other and nothing else until we looked for it. That's the kind of thing that I love most. The fact that we were willing to be that for each other. I've lost that with alot of people. I've lost that feeling in myself.
I think I'll write in a little.
Mood:  apathetic
Music: Fireman -- Weezy
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2008.07.15 12.49
I'm A New Day Rising; I'm A Brand New Sky To Hang The Stars Upon Tonight.
I'm a little divided.
Do I stay or run away?
Leave it all behind. Oh.
It's times like these
You learn to live again.
It's times like these
You give and give again.
It's times like these
You learn to love again.
It's times like these
Time and time again.
I put in an application at Canal's. So that's good I guess. As for everything else, I'm not too sure. Except, that come friday I'll be going to the campground for Christmas in July. It'll be nice to be away for a little. Plus, it's awesome. We'll see.
I'm tired. Not sleepy. Just, tired.
Mood:  cranky
Music: Times Like These - Foo Fighters
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2008.07.12 13.43
I Fell Right Through The Cracks; Now I'm Trying To Get Back.
But I won't hesitate no more, no more.
It cannot wait, I'm yours.
Yesterday was alright I guess. I'm not doing well, I don't think. That upset for really no concrete reason at all. It hasn't been this way in a while. I'm trying not to dwell on it. Hopefully it'll go away. Eh.
Derek is already down at the campground for the weekend; Jamie and Drew are driving down today. I'm mad I didn't ask if I could go. I would have really liked to. It's hard to just invite myself now, though. Haha, even if I'm thinking about it. Drew said he wants to stop by. I said not if he doesn't put me in the trunk for the shore. Anyway. Matt and I are probably going out in a little while; If we can think of anything to do. (We never can)
Okay. Scratch all that. Merchanville car show with Justin and Matt.
There's no need to complicate
our time, it's short.
This is our fate, I'm yours.
Mood:  anxious
Music: Lucky - JMraz
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2008.07.11 14.06
Internet; Flat Screen; What's The Message In Your Bottle?
Think the way to wake up is
through sex, that's just shallow
On Monday I'm going job hunting on foot until I find something. I can't be living like this anymore. There's things I really need that I can't afford. It figures my parents finally decide to stop helping me now, when I'm terribly unmotivated.
My mom wants me to take my medicine. I can't find, my medicine. Ugh. I hate my medicine.
Mood:  depressed
Music: Message In A Bottle; Matisyahu
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2008.01.11 08.28
I'm sad.
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2007.12.16 18.51
"That ain't no etch-a-sketch. That's one doodle that can't be un-did."
"So. This is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."
Christmas is in not a long time.
I suddenly find myself with no job.
I'm on a rather large Incubus binge.
I'd really like to move out.
My hands are too cold to keep typing this.
Mood:  Brrrrrrrr.
Music: Anna Molly -- Innncubus
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2007.09.27 18.46
Goodnight ;; I'll Be Seeing You
I'm bored. Favorites.
"Marla's philosophy on life was that she could die any moment.
The tragedy, she said,
was that she didn't."
- Fight Club
"Was trying to find me something, but I wasn't sure just what.. and I ended up with pockets full of dust."
- Ryan Adams
"How can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you?"
- Lifehouse
"When we made love you used to cry, you said I love you like the stars above, I'll love you till I die. There's a place, for us, you know the movie song? When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?"
- Dire Straits
"I'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and sihoutte dreams oh my sand castles fall like ashes of cigarettes and every wave drags me to sea. I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, 'is everyone here make believe?' with a tear in his voice he said, 'son that's the question. does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?"
- Mayday Parade
"Show a little faith ;; there's magic in the night."
- Bruce Springsteen
"She put him out, like the burning end of a midnight cigarette ;; she broke his heart. He spent his whole life trying to forget. We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time but he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind, until the night ;; He put that bottle to his head and pulled the triger. And finally drank away her memory, life is short but this time it was bigger than the strength he had to get up off his knees. Found him with his face down in the pillow, with a note that said I'll love her till I die. And when we burried him beneath the willow.. the angel's sang a whiskey lullaby."
- Brad Paisley
"Coast to Coast. The high seas echo. It's not you, it's me."
- Chiodos
"And all the world's a stage. I existed because I dreamed and now, I dream no more."
- Chiodos
"I've been treated so wrong, I've been treated so long, as if I'm becoming untouchable..I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost killing hour, sweet turning sour, and untouchable."
- Natalie Merchant
"YOu need a friend, I'll be around. Don't let this end before I see you again. What can I say, to convince you to change your mind? Believe. I'm gonna love you more than anyone."
- Gavin Degraw
"And honestly, I have been begging for answers that you and only you can give to me. A voice crying loud, been crying for days now. And as I start to run I stop to breathe, and I was nearly scared to death."
-Mayday Parade
"You can't base your life on the past or the present. You have to tell me about the future."
- Invisible Monsters
"You are my sweetest downfall ;; I loved you first."
- Regina Spektor
More Later.
Music: Gavin Degraw
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2007.07.30 15.41
You Raise Me Up.
I'm waiting for things to get better.
I'm trying to help them along.
I got 12 red roses today.
I cried. But I'm not sure
if it's because I was happy.
I don't think it was.
I miss Kristin.
And I need her to come home.
Justin comes home this month.
Sendor goes back to his home, this month.
And I can't even tell you
what makes me truly happy.
Mood:  Sigh.
Music: Josh Grobin
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2007.07.23 09.10
The Summer Is All In Vain
[Scares me to think, that you could.
Find takers.
Other than me. Better, than me.]
It's that overwhelming feeling when you know whichever way you turn, its gonna fuck you over. And it'll leave you with that feeling you're not sure you can describe. Empty. Cheap. Used. Alone. Terrified.
I'm so scared.
For everything. Again.
EDIT: WHATEVER YOU'RE THINKING, YOU'RE PROBABLY WRONG.
I never thought that. You could say these words.
Is this really happening?
Mood: Heh.
Music: Emery.
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2007.07.13 15.11
A Lack Of Color.
I am a visitor here.
I am not permenant.
Shit.
Mood:  Meh.
Music: Death Cab For Cutie
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2007.06.20 10.07
Penny On A Train Track
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." - Jimi Hendrix
I don't know.
I watched my bestfriend graduate from highschool last night. I watched his family fight. And I watched us for the first time, get obviously mad at one another. I'm not exactly sure what the problem is. I've narrowed it down to the simple fact that neither one of us wants to share the other. But I could be wrong. We only went 20 minutes before apologizing. It's so stupid. But I'm so proud of him.
"I see all the things that I should be."
Mood:  crappy
Music: Ben Kweller
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2007.06.15 09.22
I Can Spell Konfusion With A K.
"The art of argument is that if you argue correctly, you are never wrong." - Thankyou For Smoking
Since I've updated, one of my bestfriends has flipped his truck. He's alright but I'm missing him. He's in Chicago. I spend everyday with the same boy, just as friends, and I adore him. My baby girl is struggling like she always is, and I'm scared for her because all I want is for her to be happy, but it never works. I see a boy from Virginia a good 5 days out of the week. It's sad because I think we fit. It's sad, because he's just going to go away again.
I'm working at a new job in Pennsauken that I like pretty okay so far. It gets boring alot of the time, but I've got my own office and computer so I really couldn't ask for much more. Fighting with my parents alot, but what's new about that. The carnival has been going on all this week. I've been there alot. I enjoy it.
I did my first ride stoned last night. It was frightening and perhaps the most awesomerific moment of my life. Then I had a really bad hotdog.
I'm content, I think. For the most part. I'm watching my bestfriend graduate on Tuesday.
Mood:  drained
Music: Sympathy - Goo Goo Dolls
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2007.05.31 09.03
The Things You Make Me Wanna Do -- (I'd Rob A Quik-E Mart For You)
♥
I spend everyday with that boy. I adore him.
I started a new job, infact, I'm there now. My own office and my own computer. I like it so far. Not too busy, sort of near the boring side actually, but who am I to complain. Plus, I hear the barenaked ladies on the radio and I have hot chocolate. Downside, it being 95 today. Although, apparently, the landlord is coming in to spray something or another and it may be really strong, if it is, we get to leave. and that makes me smile, only because you can't even believe the terrible hair day I'm having.
After work, I'm taking Paul to get his nipples pierced. Haha. I bet he screams like a little girl.
More Later.
Mood:  creative
Music: If I had a million Dollars - BNL
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2007.05.08 14.19
(And thought I know that my actions are impossible to justify, they seem adequate to fill up my time. But if I could talk to myself, like I was someone else, wellt hen maybe I could take yuor advice. And I wouldn't act like such an asshole all the time.)
I'm working alot. And most likely even more in the summer. I don't mind too much most of the time, except for when it seems to get so slow that I can actually put my head down on the desk and take a ten minute power nap. That is, if the phone doesn't ring. It pays pretty decent amount and so things are good. Enough money for gas, cigarettes, rent and food.
To Get:
+New phone
+Summer Dress
+Gym Membership?
Okay, Gym membership. Who am I kidding.
Prom is on Friday and whatever enthusiasm I had before is gone. It's costing alot and it makes me grumpy. Although, I'm sure it'll be a pretty good time. Johnny V and I went to lunch today. He puts a real big smile on my face. I see him alot more than I used to. I love it.
That's us when I was a sophmore. Oh shitttt.
Sendor's on his way home now. I can't wait. Susan comes home today as well. Prom Friday. Phillies game Sunday. Chase Utley Fleece Blanket Day. Then inching into the summer, and Wildwood in late June. =) Ahhh. Oh! and. The Zoo. Sendor's gonna take me to the zoo.
People to see:
+Vanessa
+Katie Hewko (I miss you!)
+Caesar
(Whisper words of wisdom, Let it be.)
Mood:  mmm.
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2007.05.01 15.21
Do You Know What Stars Are.
[Baby it's alright.
Stop your crying, now.]
Bob's mom died yesterday morning. She had lived. It's still sad.
Work is going well. Sendor comes home likeeeee next tuesday. I'm counting down.
Mood:  cynical
Music: As You Sleep - SocO
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2007.04.25 16.28
Because I Knew You.
She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though.
but it was a hopeful kind of sad.
The kind of sad that just takes time.
-The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
Mood:  Eh.
Music: Wicked.
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2007.04.24 15.47
Be Good & You Will Be Lonesome.
"Listen to the mustn'ts, listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldnt's, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me. Anything can happen child, Anything can be."
Things are fairly alright actually. Work is good. Prom is in three weeks or something. I have a pretty dress, and I'm going with an awesome friend.
This whole Virginia Tech thing really had me down the past week. Sendor came home on Wednesday which was a nice surprise. I got to see him everyday he was home. He'll be back real soon for the summer. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited for that.
That's it.
Summer is coming.
Mood: Comfortably Numb.
Music: Thirteen -- Ben Kweller
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2007.04.23 15.33
In A Boy's Dream.
"What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time. My ego. My attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction."
-Choke
Mood:  GRRRR
Music: Pink Floyd
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2007.04.04 14.14
Climb The Castle Wall; If You're My Rapunzel.
[Wait. Hold the phone. I don't now if I can take this. Leave me alone. I don't know if I can make this work. See, I know I'm lost and lonely. Please, go slow. I'm one and only. Only one. All or none. My heart's done. Weighs a ton. Had me a wh ile, tell me you'll never be leaving. I'll walk the mile, seeing but not quite believing you.]
Things are eh. I don't know. Do I ever know?
I'm looking real forward to the summer. There's so much that's going to be going on. So much to plan and save for. So much to start not eating for, haha. Some days in Wildwood right at the beginning with my most favorite people. And then hopefully mid to early July, the outerbanks with my family for a week. And ::Crossesfingers:: being allowed to take Tchristopher with me.
More later.
Mood:  PROM DRESS.
Music: The Redjumpsuit Apparatus!
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2007.03.29 23.59
That Is The Question.
I got hit in the face with a volleyball tonight.
Sean was sweaty. Alex wore his shorts way too high.
John came to see me. =] Matt's team won.
[When you are young the world is a ferris wheel.]
I'm walking with Rich tomorrow.
And then what, I'm not sure. Hm.
My contacts are dry. That is all.
Mood: BALLS.
Music: Stone Sourrrr.
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bandgeekwannabe's journal
annoyed
nauseated
Fuck.